We all experience worry, hurts, and conflict. Often we suppress our emotions and keep others at a safe distance. But we end up imprisoned, settling for shallow relationships with God, family, and friends. The key to deeper connection? Empathy for yourself and others, says psychologist-therapist duo Bill & Kristi Gaultiere.

Empathy is often misunderstood, even maligned as nothing more than coddling or rescuing. Yet true empathy, the Gaultieres explain, respects truth and encourages personal responsibility. It’s Biblical and loving. Empathy relieves stress and renews energy. It strengthens emotional health and raises emotional intelligence. It enables us to resolve conflicts and develop close, loving relationships. It’s also how Jesus relates to us.

In their new book, Deeply Loved (Revell, Sept. 2025), Bill and Kristi weave together engaging true stories with compelling insights from Scripture and modern psychology to help readers. Bill and Kristi join Dale on today’s 95Podcast to talk through the powerful impact of giving and receiving empathy.

Description

A candid conversation with Bill and Christie Gaultiere of Soul Shepherding on practicing Jesus‑shaped empathy in ministry. Dale explores the difference between sympathy and empathy, why many pastors feel emotionally exhausted, and how receiving God’s empathy fuels resilient, truth‑filled leadership. The episode also highlights their new book, “Deeply Loved: Receiving and Reflecting God’s Great Empathy for You,” and its practical framework for emotional health.

Key Points In Brief

• Empathy integrates love with truth and responsibility. “Empathy + Truth + Responsibility = Growth.”
• Sympathy centers my story. Empathy centers the other person’s experience and asks curious questions.
• Pastoral overwhelm and performance‑based identity are empathy robbers.
• Jesus models perfect empathy in the Incarnation and ministry. Hebrews 4:15 frames this biblically.
• Healthy boundaries and stewardship of empathy are essential. You can’t empathize with everyone all the time.
• Four A’s of Empathy: Ask, Attune, Acknowledge, Affirm.
• Receiving God’s empathy (often through trusted people) precedes offering it to others.

Key Takeaways

• Receiving precedes giving: we empathize because Jesus first empathizes with us.
• Emotions inform discipleship. The Bible assumes an integration of thoughts and feelings.
• Avoid conditions‑of‑worth spirituality. Ministry flows from secure attachment to Jesus, not performance.
• Pastors need safe relationships for vulnerability: therapists, spiritual directors, coaches, peers.
• Affirm last, not first. Listen deeply before encouraging.

Notable Quotes

• “Empathy doesn’t equal agreement. It equals caring, hearing, and understanding.”
• “We can have a theology of grace but a practice of conditions of worth.”
• “Jesus’ easy yoke is his easy way to do hard things.”
• “If you’re trying to pastor your own self, you’ve got a fool for a pastor.”
• “We empathize because Jesus first empathizes with us.”

Next Steps

1. Personal: Schedule one honest, 45‑minute soul‑care conversation this week with a safe person. Share one need and one dominant emotion.
2. Pastoral Practice: Add one empathy prompt to your next sermon: “What might this feel like for you right now?”
3. Team Culture: In your next staff meeting, practice the Four A’s on a real scenario before problem‑solving.
4. Healthy Boundaries: Choose one empathy focus for this month and one area to consciously release to God.
5. Formation: Read “Deeply Loved” and journal where you resist receiving empathy.

Link To Podcast Audio: 95Podcast 311

 

Link To Podcast YouTube:

Q & A Transcript (condensed)

• Q: What’s the difference between sympathy and empathy?
  • A: Sympathy shifts attention to my story. Empathy stays with your experience, asks curious questions, and joins Jesus’ care.
• Q: Isn’t empathy soft on sin?
  • A: No. True empathy integrates truth and responsibility. It dignifies the person while guiding toward repentance and growth.
• Q: Why do many pastors struggle with empathy?
  • A: Overwhelm, performance identity, and lack of safe spaces to receive empathy.
• Q: Can empathy be “too much”?
  • A: We steward empathy with boundaries. Validate emotions without necessarily validating perceptions.
• Q: How do I start becoming more empathetic?
  • A: Practice the Four A’s, pray mid‑conversation, and routinely ask, “Tell me more—what was that like for you?”

Four A’s of Empathy (from the episode)

1. Ask for what you need
2. Attune to emotions
3. Acknowledge the significance
4. Affirm strengths

External Links

• Soul Shepherding
• Soul Shepherding Retreats
• Books by Soul Shepherding