By Dale Sellers

When life falls apart and Jesus feels late, disappointment can turn into “if only” regret. Maybe you have even thought, “Jesus, if only You had shown up… this wouldn’t have happened”?

Discover how Mary’s story in John 11 helps you process pain, rebuild trust, and see Jesus more clearly. 

Disappointment can feel like something you either fix quickly or bury deep. But if we’re honest, there are moments when our pain doesn’t just disappoint us. It can leave us feeling disappointed with Jesus.

That is exactly where Mary found herself.

When it comes to this topic, I think it would be good for us to look at Jesus’ relationship with His good friend Mary. I personally think Mary, Martha, and Lazarus were some of His closest friends while He was on the earth. We know that they spent time with Jesus on several occasions. I’m certain He gave them an exciting personal narrative of many of the encounters He had with people along the way.

No doubt at some point, He shared stories with them like the story of how a prostitute entered a Pharisee’s house and washed Jesus’ feet with her tears (Luke 7:36–50). She then dried His feet with her hair and poured perfume from an alabaster bottle on them. I can only imagine how He delighted in telling them how He forgave her sins because of her faith.

The vibe I get from Scripture is that Mary, Martha, and Lazarus were not lower class. It appears that they did just fine economically. However, the prostitute in the story was obviously from the other side of the tracks. Her willingness to pour out a bottle of expensive perfume must have caused Mary to take notice of her faith. The story seems to emphasize that a person who has been forgiven more will tend to love more.

I’m sure Mary was confident in her relationship with Jesus. After all, she was the one Jesus described as having chosen what is essential. However, she later experienced something that would shake her faith to the core.

We read in John 11 that Lazarus became sick—even to the point of death. So Mary and Martha sent word to Jesus, asking Him to come and heal their brother and His friend. I’m sure their confidence was strong that everything would be all right as soon as Jesus got there. I imagine they witnessed Jesus perform miracles as they spent time with Him. And the stories they would have heard … Amazing. Their confidence was unshakable at this point. However, to their dismay, Jesus delayed His return to their home, and Lazarus died before He arrived.

When Martha heard that Jesus was near, she went out to meet Him on the road. Even though she was grieving and filled with questions, she still did her best to trust Him. Mary, however, did not go out to meet Jesus. I believe her reason was much more than grief. I think she was hurt, angry, and extremely disappointed in Him because He hadn’t shown up in time to save her brother.

Think about it. Their family was tight with Jesus. She could certainly expect Him to show up after they had been so faithful. Right? But He didn’t show. Jesus failed to meet her expectations. But because they were so close, Mary knew He would know exactly how she felt as soon as He saw her.

It was only after Martha returned to let her know He wanted to see her that Mary went out to meet Him. Let’s pick up the story here: “Jesus had not yet entered the town but was still at the place where Martha had met him. When her sympathizing Jewish friends saw Mary run off, they followed her, thinking she was on her way to the tomb to weep there. Mary came to where Jesus was waiting and fell at his feet, saying, ‘Master, if only you had been here, my brother would not have died’” (vv. 30–32).

Have you ever had a moment in which you confidently knew that Jesus was going to come through for you? Your expectations were at an all-time high. After all, you have a track record of choosing what is essential, just as Mary did. You have been faithfully serving Him for years. I mean, look at the fruit you have produced. But the moment passed, and you were left wondering where He was. If only You had been here, then ___ would not have happened. (Fill in the blank with your own experience.)

The years that add up to thinking “you would be there by now” are filled with the “if only’s” of disappointed expectations.

The narrative goes on to show how Jesus raised Lazarus from the dead after he had been in the grave for four days. Wow. Jesus truly is the resurrection and the life. The raising of Lazarus became the catalyst for the masses wanting to anoint Jesus as their king. Momentum built after such a great miracle and led to a triumphant entry into the city during the week of Passover (John 12:12–18).

It also allowed Mary to see Jesus in a way she hadn’t before. You could say that the eyes of her heart were opened to something that had always been there. However, she couldn’t see it fully because her understanding of who Jesus really was needed to be deepened.

It’s possible for you and me to arrive at a place just like Mary. Previous experience begins to cloud our ability to see beyond the here and now. But I believe Jesus has so much more for us as we diligently seek Him.

Questions & Answers

1. What does “if only” usually reveal about my heart? It often reveals an expectation you were sure Jesus would meet, and the grief you feel when reality did not match what you hoped for.
2. Is it wrong to feel disappointed with Jesus? The feeling itself is not the end of faith. What matters is what you do with it. Mary brought her pain to Jesus instead of pretending it did not exist.
3. Why would Jesus delay when He could have helped sooner? In John 11, the delay was not indifference. It created space for a deeper revelation of who Jesus is, not only what Jesus can do.
4. What do I do when I cannot see what God is doing? Name what you are feeling, bring it to Jesus honestly, and keep seeking Him even when your understanding is limited.
5. How can disappointment deepen faith instead of damaging it? When disappointment is processed with Jesus, it can move you from an outcome-based faith to a deeper confidence in His character and presence.
6. What is one practical next step after an “if only” moment? Write your “if only” sentence, then follow it with a simple prayer of surrender: “Jesus, help me trust You even when I do not understand Your timing.”

• Website: 95Network.org
• 95Network – Soul Care Essentials
• 95Network – Healthy Church Assessment
• Read Stalled: Hope and Help for Pastors Who Thought They’d Be There By Now

Be sure to stop by our 95Network.org/online store to find helpful resources designed to encourage and strengthen your ministry leadership.