95Podcast 344 Summary: Trigger Warning: Trauma Healing for Pastors & Church Leaders (w/ Bridget Trammell) – Episode 344

Dale Sellers & Joseph Bennett sit down with trauma counselor and author Bridget Trammell (Trigger Warning) for a candid conversation about how trauma forms, how it shows up in ministry leadership, and why church culture often suppresses pain instead of supporting healing. Bridget shares parts of her personal story—including escaping an abusive marriage marked by addiction and violence—and explains why victims often struggle to leave unsafe situations.

The conversation explores religious trauma and “high-control” church environments, including how shame-based purity culture can distort sexuality, create secrecy, and amplify abuse. Bridget outlines practical frameworks for understanding trauma responses (fight, flight, freeze, and fawn), what “trigger warnings” really indicate, and why unresolved trauma layers over time—often driving burnout, control, addiction, and emotional reactivity in leaders.

The episode ends with a direct call to pastors and leaders who feel like “silent weepers”: healing requires honesty about wounds, safe relationships, wise counsel, and spiritual community that can carry burdens together—following the model of Jesus, who showed real humanity in the Garden of Gethsemane.

Key Points In Brief

• Trauma is anything that overwhelms a person’s ability to cope—and it’s common in ministry leadership.
• Many church cultures suppress pain (“just trust God”), but healing requires acknowledging the wound.
• High-control religious environments can foster superiority, secrecy, and unchecked authority—conditions where abuse thrives.
• Purity culture and shame-based teaching can distort sexuality and contribute to hidden sin and relational damage.
• Trauma responses include fight, flight, freeze—and fawn (appeasing an abuser to survive).
• Trauma doesn’t disappear; it often layers, showing up as control, perfectionism, workaholism, avoidance, addiction, and burnout.
• Pastors can better care for others by first addressing their own trauma and blind spots.
• Healthy churches function like hospitals—places where burdens are shared and healing is supported.

Key Takeaways

• A trigger is a signal, not a verdict. It often points to a deeper unresolved wound that needs care, not shame.
• Overspiritualizing can unintentionally harm people. Telling people to “just pray more” can bypass the real work of healing.
• Accountability matters. Systems without checks and balances can enable predatory behavior to go unchallenged.
• Victims may not leave quickly because survival instincts take over. Lack of resources, fear, isolation, disbelief, and power imbalance keep people trapped.
• Leaders need safe spaces too. Pastors often carry wounds with nowhere to process them; isolation increases risk.
• Repair is essential. A willingness to apologize and repair relationships can restore trust and emotional safety in families and churches.

Notable Quotes

• “Trauma is something that happens in your life that overwhelms your ability to cope.”
• “What you bring out of the darkness into the light loses its power.”
• “Trauma doesn’t go away. It just layers.”
• “Trauma is not a memory. It’s a body part. It lives in your nervous system.”
• “The best mirror for trauma responses is marriage… and leadership.”
• “Church is supposed to be a hospital… but in distorted versions of church, it can be very difficult to find your voice.”
• “Before the humanity of the garden, there could not be a resurrection from the grave.”

Next Steps

• Identify your most common triggers (anger, shutdown, control, avoidance, numbness, secret coping) and ask: “What wound might this be protecting?”
• Find a safe, biblically grounded counselor or trusted mentor group where you can speak honestly without fear of condemnation.
• Build a small circle where leaders can practice confession, prayer, and accountability (James 5:16).
• As a church leader, create clear processes for reporting abuse, protecting victims, and ensuring accountability—especially around power imbalances.
• In your family and leadership, practice “repair”: apologize quickly, own your part, and restore connection.

Link To Podcast Audio: 95Podcast 344

 

Link To Podcast YouTube:

Q & A Transcript

Dale Sellers: Hey everybody, welcome back to the 95 podcast. This episode is not one you’re going to blow through. If you’ve dealt with trauma triggers, this conversation might touch your heart. We’re talking about a book called Trigger Warning. This isn’t a good podcast for children to listen to. With that in mind, welcome our guest. Joseph and I know her husband Josh Traml, but today we’re talking with Bridget Trammell. Bridget, welcome to the podcast.

Bridget Trammell: I’m so excited to be here. Thank you so much. I have so much respect for the work you’re doing mentoring and encouraging pastors, and I’m praying that God will use today’s conversation in a mighty way.

Dale Sellers: When I saw your book title, I was interested right away. I ordered it and read it the day it arrived. We have to have this conversation. I’ve been in ministry almost 45 years, and we didn’t really talk about trauma until recently. So we’re going to talk about it today. Joseph, you know Josh too. What are you expecting God to do today?

Joseph Bennett: Bridget, we’re so excited to have you on. Welcome. Josh is awesome, but we heard you’re incredibly awesome too. You guys are a dynamic duo. It’s going to be a great conversation.

Dale Sellers: Bridget, tell us your story—what led to the book. I want pastors listening to take off a pharisaical lens and open their hearts.

Bridget Trammell: As church community, we’re often good at shoving trauma down and suppressing emotions in the name of “just trust God.” But Psalm 34 says the Lord is close to the brokenhearted. The Bible says there’s safety in a multitude of counselors. I’m passionate about conversations that bridge therapy and theology. Trauma is something that overwhelms your ability to cope. Some of the most traumatized people in the world are pastors.

My trauma began being married to a pastor who couldn’t cope with his own trauma. He created a secret life involving drugs—heroin, crack cocaine—prostitutes, and more. I came from a strict religious background, independent Baptist fundamentalism. I hadn’t worn pants, hadn’t gone to movies, hadn’t been around bar settings. Being married to someone with that lifestyle overwhelmed my ability to cope.

He went to five rehabs. We did two years of biblical counseling. We tried everything, but eventually it became unsafe. There was domestic violence when he was using. I left in the middle of the night with a two-year-old and a two-week-old baby. That’s where I decided to face what was going on. I learned if you don’t like your life, you can change it—and God will meet you there. God can turn trauma into redemption. Years later, I became a trauma counselor to help others heal God’s way.

Dale Sellers: Growing up, you didn’t know you were in a bad religious situation because it was normal, right?

Bridget Trammell: Yes. In high-control religious environments, strict rules often began as a reaction to cultural change, sometimes with good intentions. But in my denomination, churches were independent from accountability. A pastor’s authority went unchecked. That system can attract predators—wolves in sheep’s clothing—who use “standards” to control people. Many people experience abuse that goes unchecked. This kind of trauma becomes religious trauma because people ask, “Why is God doing this to me?” Especially when abuse is done in the name of God, people feel God is far away, or that God is the abuser. But God is for us and wants to be close to us.

Dale Sellers: I grew up close to that atmosphere. What surprises me is how much sexual sin happens in environments with so many rules. Why does it surface?

Bridget Trammell: In high-control environments, there can be an unusual amount of sexual distortion and scandal. I’ve studied religious cults, and one thing they share isn’t “holiness”—it’s a culture of superiority. When superiority reigns and authority is unchecked, wickedness thrives. That’s when abuse and distortion can surface.

Joseph Bennett: So it’s masked behind lots of rules, and people think there’s protection and accountability, but you’re saying there isn’t.

Bridget Trammell: Exactly. In holiness culture, women are often shamed about sexuality. Sexuality becomes hypersexualized. Women are told if a man lusts, it’s their fault. That creates shame and confusion. Men are taught they’re powerless, women are blamed, and nobody learns healthy education or responsibility. Then people marry with no real understanding, and it becomes a disaster. People get hurt right and left.

Dale Sellers: Pornography has a hold on a lot of pastors. Can you help us understand the source?

Bridget Trammell: There’s lust tied to power and superiority, and there’s pornography used as an escape and connection. Men are emotional too—they want to connect and be known. Porn can feel like a connection without judgment. Many men love their wives; it’s not always about wanting someone else—it’s about emotional needs, shame, and coping. We need to normalize men talking about trauma and getting support. What you bring out of darkness into light loses power.

Joseph Bennett: You talked about leaving. What was the “aha” moment? And why is it so hard for victims to leave?

Bridget Trammell: Victims often blame themselves for not leaving sooner. It connects to survival responses: fight, flight, freeze. In trauma, your body focuses on surviving the moment. Many victims can’t fight, can’t flee, and freeze. There’s a fourth response: fawning—appeasing the abuser to survive. Survivors can become very emotionally intelligent because they had to read the room.

There are also power imbalances: lack of money, resources, fear of not being believed, fear of hurting “the cause of Christ,” or the abuser being connected to leadership. I told someone at church what happened, and she said, “I don’t believe you. He’s such a godly man.” That’s why many people don’t speak up.

Dale Sellers: How did you feel in that moment?

Bridget Trammell: I remember the room spinning and feeling like I fell through the floor. You begin to question yourself. Church community can be gaslighting to victims by not acknowledging the wound and moving too quickly to “God is good.” But to heal, you have to see the wound to administer the antidote.

Dale Sellers: Your book is called Trigger Warning. Help us understand triggers and what’s happening.

Bridget Trammell: The best mirror for trauma responses is marriage. The second is leadership. People bring trauma into relationships and leadership. Often what we call “sin” is also “science”—hypervigilance, perfectionism, workaholism, walls, explosions, controlling behaviors, avoidance, high-risk behavior, secret addictions. These are like “bubbles” on top of the water—something deeper is lurking beneath.

Trauma doesn’t go away; it layers. Trauma isn’t just a memory—it lives in your nervous system until processed. People turn to coping mechanisms to avoid feeling. When we suppress grief, we can also suppress joy. That contributes to burnout in ministry.

Jesus modeled humanity in the Garden of Gethsemane. He showed denial and bargaining (“Let this cup pass”), deep grief, the need for support, anger, and acceptance (“Not my will but yours”). Pastors need space to process grief, not just push through.

Dale Sellers: If you could speak to every pastor about helping hurting people and protecting those impacted by trauma, what would you say?

Bridget Trammell: James 5:16 says confess your faults to one another and pray for one another so you may be healed. We need honest spaces for leaders and church members. Explore the trigger: Why am I working so hard? Why am I afraid? Why am I controlling? Identify blind spots.

One framework is the six core relational needs of a child: attunement, responsiveness, regulation, strength to handle negative emotions, engagement, and willingness to repair. If these aren’t modeled, leaders may struggle to attune, respond, engage, handle emotions, or repair. Repair can restore what’s broken.

Joseph Bennett: That resonates. Kids need both correction and life-giving affirmation.

Bridget Trammell: Yes. Whether you’re a parent, spouse, boss, or pastor—know your blind spots. People under your leadership often see them. In weakness, God is made strong. Ask your staff and family what you’re not seeing.

Dale Sellers: I think many pastors feel like “silent weepers.” They cried for help and nobody came, so they stopped. Talk to that person.

Bridget Trammell: Look at Jesus. He exhibited grief, anger, and need for others. He said to cast your cares on Him because He cares for you. Scripture calls us to carry each other’s burdens. You don’t have to carry pain alone. Without the humanity of the garden, there can’t be resurrection. Bringing wounds into the light is where breakthrough begins—through God’s Word and supportive community.

Dale Sellers: Thank you, Bridget. People need to get your book and get help. Counselors matter, and you have to choose wisely. Don’t let your life unravel because you’re unwilling to reach out for help.