By Dale Sellers

Several years ago, I began to understand my blind spot of measuring my relationship with Jesus from a performance-based, or works-based, point of view. Like most folks, I was apprehensive about dealing with it at first. But acknowledging and working on it took me down a path I wish I would have traveled much earlier. Similar to the heading north on the interstate when you should be going south, I spent many years trying to get free only to discover I was becoming more bound with each passing year—because I was going the wrong direction.

Each new day increased my fear that Jesus would be disappointed with the results of my ministry life when I finally saw Him in heaven.

The real issue in those early years was that I was driven to perform in order to earn the Lord’s favor. I continuously lived with the concern that He was going to be disappointed with me. Each new day increased my fear that Jesus would be disappointed with the results of my ministry life when I finally saw Him in heaven. There would come a day when I would be exposed as having achieved less than He expected of me. The pressure and shame were relentless. And they continued to increase.

The pressure to perform eventually infiltrated every aspect of my life. Even though I knew theologically that my performance didn’t bring me closer to God, my internal dysfunction took control of me. I needed to do works for affirmation. Simply put, I needed to show something in order to feel approved. This blind spot became a normal part of my daily routine.

I even had a mental picture of a performance scale that divided life into three categories: my personal spiritual life, my family life, and my professional life. Not a day went by that I didn’t mentally highlight at least one of the areas that I was failing in. In my mind, there was an image of a mature, Godly leader that I was never going to be able to attain because I continued to fall further and further behind no matter how hard I tried.

In my mind, there was an image of a mature, Godly leader that I was never going to be able to attain because I continued to fall further and further behind no matter how hard I tried.

Have you ever been like me? Maybe you’re like this today. If so then I would love to spend some time talking with you. My hope is that you won’t have to live this way as long as I did.

What are you doing that is working well? What is not going so well? Let’s connect and have a conversation about it. At 95Network, we are here to support and serve you in anyway we can. If you feel like you’re in a season where your stalled out and can see the way forward then please reach out to me at [email protected]

• Website: 95Network.org
• 95Network – Soul Care Essentials
• 95Network – Healthy Church Assessment
• Read Stalled: Hope and Help for Pastors Who Thought They’d Be There By Now

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